I spent ten years with the Kind Husband. His kindness helped rebuild me. In return, the natural submissive in me lived only to please and serve him. But the sex was shit. For both of us. Unfulfilling. Flat. Missionary. I am possibly being unnecessarily bleak from my retrospective viewpoint but a decade of faking orgasms and sneaking off to bed at 9pm to masturbate does that to you. I remember asking him if we could try anal sex. He looked at me disgusted. We did try it once but clearly he was not game. There was very little effort. I also asked him to dominate me and he couldn’t even get hard. As he tried to thumb his limp dick into my desperate cunt, I knew there was something better out there for me.

“Life isn’t 50 Shades of Grey you know” a close friend said, “You can’t leave a kind man just for sex”. Oh but I can. I’m pushing 40 not 80. I have plenty of fucking in me yet. I was pleasing and serving the Kind Husband in life, as a good submissive wants to, but he wasn’t giving me my orgasmic trips to the moon in return. Good BDSM sex is out of this world. Great BDSM sex is out of this universe. It leaves you feeling like you’ve just woken up from a general anaesthetic except without the pain of surgery. You’re high. Totally and utterly high. Words fall out of your mouth and you don’t care. That’s a truth serum right there. If you haven’t experienced it, I will struggle to describe it to you. Imagine every nerve ending in your body is feeling pleasured. Every single nerve ending. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are no longer part of this world. You have transcended. It is the most amazing and most addictive feeling humanly possible.

It’s not just about fucking either. There’s a complex emotional side to a D/s relationship. Every D is different so every s must be too. We have different emotional needs. I want a strong D who will use his love to replenish me in times of difficulty. To re-strengthen my heart so I can go back out in the often painful world and fight on. The Kind Husband wanted to hide me from the world. He wanted me to love him and him alone. And I am a natural submissive which means I am here to serve everyone. Like a superhero. The right D for me knows that. He is as proud of the hero on his arm as the whore in his bed ….

And he fucks my arse so hard I feel like I will break in two.