The Young Heart and I had shared a close friendship for a year or more which was viewed as incredibly strange to the outside world with him barely 19 and me pushing 40. We had spent many evenings talking long into the night me struggling to fully understand what he was telling me but knowing it was important for me to access his way of thinking. A way so different from my own. It was purely platonic, despite what people thought. I didn’t care. He allowed me to be me. We began talking when I was still fucking the Lost Soul and inevitably, over a few glasses of wine, the story came out in bits and pieces. The Young Heart was there when I met the Hunter and when I told him that story we got around to talking about sex. He introduced me to the term BDSM. He taught me the theory behind the sex I like. The rules. Still we didn’t fuck and the thought did not enter my head. He sent me articles to read, websites to look at, recommended books. He taught me so much. I learnt academically for the first time in a long time. And for the first time ever about sex.

It was a difficult process. I had to deal emotionally with the issues brought forward by studying my sexual preferences. Issues with my previous relationships, my childhood, my damaged sense of self-worth. Was I born this way or was I created? It doesn’t matter, the Young Heart would tell me, I am what I am. And then we started fucking. We met up recently, after 6 months or so of very little contact, and he said he regretted us. I found that immensely sad. I do not regret him and the relationship we had. But I guess maybe neither of us were in a great place. Two damaged souls again joined by pain. Except we were much more than that. We were joined by respect too. I admire the Young Heart immensely. He is true grit and will fight on and on against the mightiest of warriors in the toughest of battles. He never says die. But he sees the world as a battlefield and expects me to do the same.

In the BDSM sense the Young Heart trained me. He did very little for my pleasure and I had to do everything for his. He taught me to deep throat. I thought I could do it before him. I was totally wrong! He would beat me with my belt if I didn’t take the whole length of his cock or if he felt my teeth on him. I was so desperate to please him, I started practising on a vibrator. Every man I will ever be with in the future owes the Young Heart a drink! He always made me feel inadequate though. Not good enough for him. I was so desperate to please but nothing I did was right. There was always something I could improve. Slowly my confidence eroded until it was too much. Even when I met up with him recently and we talked he criticised all the achievements I was proud of. It smarted. I still want him to be proud of me. He is Young in Heart but Wise in Mind. And all he can see are your mistakes …

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