My FetLife experience takes yet another interesting turn. I have had many approaches from ‘Doms’ looking for a ‘sub’ which of course in the Fet world is a box I tick. Yet all the approaches have been full of warning signals to change course and I have heeded those warnings and responded accordingly. I reply to every approach (it’s polite after all!) but most of the time it never surpasses a short message exchange.

Until I met The Master. He’s nearly two decades older than me. He has a lot of experience in the official BDSM world. And he is the first person I have met from FetLife in real life. I’m not sure what took me from our message exchange to dinner to a play in the back of his car to inviting him to my house. Instinct is the only answer I have. His original approach was a generic copy and paste message (I didn’t realise that at the time!) and he didn’t like Secret Whore as my user name or the profile photo I used (I’m wearing a ball gag) as he felt both were too ‘degrading’. I gave him a really hard time one evening over text about my safety and my fears to test him. He passed. The next day I broke him open. I looked into his heart and took hold of his deepest fears and insecurities and showed him I saw them. All via text. It was one of the most electric interchanges like that I have ever had. After he acknowledged I had broken him and seen what he hides from the world I knew I would meet him and, not only that, I would give my body to him.

I am not part of the BDSM world he knows. He goes to clubs and watches his wife fuck other men and women. He and his wife watch other men and women fuck. They fuck each other and others watch. A lot of watching and fucking. Fucking and watching. His is a BDSM world I am certainly intrigued by and would like to visit. But it’s not the BDSM world I want to live in. His world seems based on physical attraction and proximity. I want a mental and emotional connection first before I let a man anywhere near my precious body. He has to show me his heart. And to keep ownership of my body and that connection to my soul, his heart has to remain visible to me. The Conqueror and I have not spoken for months now after speaking every day. I blocked him from our messaging app because he would only give me hardness. I understand why he needed to but it hurt me too much to see it.

Back to The Master. I am not sure if he wants my BDSM world or his. He clearly enjoys controlling my pleasure and the orgasms I have had from nipple play, kissing, clit teasing, and finger fucking have been amazing. We message all the time but he flits between talking openly and clamming up. Sometimes his heart is open for me to see and sometimes it is tight shut. If I want to, I can break it open but that is energy draining work. Plus there is his wife whom he adores. They choose to play with others and she has a Dom herself but still that is a dynamic I’m not used to. I think it can work for me but I need to adapt to it and that’s going to take time.

In the meanwhile, a Wolf has spotted me. I’m not sure he is The Wolf but he is certainly a Wolf. We have been chatting on a conventional dating app for a while now. He clearly likes the same sex I do and for the same reasons. Just because he doesn’t call it BDSM, doesn’t mean it isn’t. He wants power and control over my sexual pleasure. Would a rose by any other name … you know the rest. He looks like a wolf too. A mane of grey hair and a face of grey beard. His laid back messaging style betrayed by the images he sends with his eyes full of hunger to devour me …

So here begins the tale of the Master, a Wolf, and the Whore. One thing for sure is it’s going to be powerful …

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