So New Man has a blog persona. He’s The Tyrannosaur. He has reached that crucial point where I recognise his significance to my BDSM journey. If it were all to end tomorrow, and I hope with all my heart it doesn’t, he has meant enough to me to want to keep him present in my life. He asked me the other day why I still see so many ‘old flings’: The First Lover, The Young Heart, The Conqueror, The Lost Soul, The Hunter. Once you have a name on here, you are forever in my life. The connection we had is broken. The D/s bond dissipated. But in its place a brutal honesty is left which I both enjoy and need.
I am teaching the dinosaur. I don’t mean that cruelly at all. He is traditional in all the best ways: respectful, kind, chivalrous. I have not met a man like him. A true gentleman. He always seems to pay for everything. He buys me gifts when it’s not my birthday. He messages goodnight and good morning every day we are apart. He wants the sex I want – that is very clear. He has played around with it in the past. But he has not built that connection with a submissive before me. He has not had her at his feet willing to do anything to please him. He uses the phrase ‘good girl’ with me now and I don’t know if he sees the joy that shines through me. It’s not just about sex. I get as much natural submissive pleasure making him pancakes for breakfast as I do taking his cock in my mouth.
He keeps telling me how I am not like other women. Previously I think he tried to handle me as he would have done his partners in the past and now he has realised it’s time to throw out the rule book. What we are building together is shiny and new. Different from anything either of us have experienced before. He is teaching me how to use my heart again. How to sacrifice my independence in ways beyond the sexual. How to let him deep into my hopes and fears. In my other BDSM relationships, my heart has always remained at arm’s length. The Tyrannosaur holds it in his hand.
I’m teaching a dinosaur and he is teaching me …