“This hurts like a pain I have never felt before. I can’t live with you and I can’t live without you. I’ll never find anyone like you again.”

Genuine and heartfelt messages from a man torn. Knowing he isn’t the man I want. Knowing he can be but it will be hard. So very very hard. And there is doubt that he wants it enough to do that work. Am I really worth it?

I know my value to him. The patient submissive. The Tyrannosaur has a mental / physical problem known as delayed ejaculation. I imagine many women before me have tried and failed and given up in pursuit of that holy grail he finds so difficult to give. After all, he’s a great giver of pleasure so his partner will always be satisfied. He’s used to making the woman he cares for come multiple times and then watching her roll over and sleep while he tries to wank himself off – with or without success. That is not me. His release is more important than mine. His will more important than my own. I know what to do now and I am patient and do it for as long as it takes. And I get what I want. He comes for me.

He called me incredibly frustrated the week after we’d split up. He was wanking and trying to come. He wanted to hear my voice talking dirty to him. Within 5 minutes we had succeeded. It felt amazing to have that amount of power. To hold his desire in my hands. But now he is torn. He believes no other woman will do that. My concern for him stretches beyond the sexual too. I have supported him with his insomnia. His access to his children. His ability to deal with his anger.

And what do I get? I don’t know. But the need to help this man is so great in me that I cannot stop. I am not his girlfriend anymore. I have made that clear. I will not be again until he has shown me his commitment to change. He tells me how much better he is since meeting me. I only see how far he still needs to go.

What will be will be. Right now I need to manage this so I don’t burn out. The patient whore is learning …

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